Seriously, Hormones, LEAVE ME ALONE!!

I woke up this morning ready to cry and kick someone's ass at the same time. Don't talk to me, don't touch me, LEAVE ME ALONE! I have failed as a mother and I have no friends. My kids hate me, my life is over, I'm old and wrinkly and fat. Any minute now I will turn into a lonely, sad, old lady sitting in a room. With cats. I'm mad that my kids are grown, I'm mad that I've missed the time I could be a triathlete or the head of a corporation. I'm just mad. And sad. Terribly, terribly sad. I even had a dream last night that my cousins called to tell me their mother died. She's been dead for almost twenty years. But I woke up feeling such grief and sadness. I'm a terrible daughter; I don't visit my dad as much as I should. I bully my mom into taking care of herself. I am a terrible wife; I complain and whine, and don't try hard enough. My kids can't stand to be around me for very long because they can't stand the sound of my nagging voice. 

HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN??!! 

I woke up yesterday and sat happily on my patio, in the sun, drinking my coffee and literally counting my blessings. I live in my dream house. I drive my dream car. I have a husband who makes me laugh and children who are not addicted to or selling drugs (or if they are, they are also able to be fully functioning citizens), and who are seeking or have achieved college degrees. Both of my parents are still living. I have an amazing relationship with my sister, and wonderful friends around the world. I am truly blessed. 

So how does it happen that the next day I can wake up in such a foul mood, feeling so low? Is it something I ate? Is this my true disposition rearing it's head, pushing aside my usual "glass half full" philosophy? Nope, I know, it's that bastard that comes whenever it wants now and smacks me upside the head; it is the bane of middle aged women, turning us into shrieking, crazy people who can't remember shit (I, the excellent speller, had to ask my English-language-learner husband how to spell 'shriek'. He thanked me and said he was honored but had no idea) and who sink into the abyss then soar to the heights of hormone-induced depression and ecstasy. Menopause, will you please LEAVE ME ALONE!