Sick, Ill, Not Feeling Well

So why does it take a sore throat and sinus infection to get me to actually sit still for more than ten minutes? If it weren't summer, I'd make myself get up and go to work, I'd get through the day, and then, maybe, I'd go to the doctor in the afternoon and get some medicine. And back to work I'd go the next day.

Is it a mom thing? A female thing? I know it's not a male thing... Men are well known for their ability to sit through inane television shows (how many ways can an animal die/procreate/capture it's prey) or sports games, remaining primarily in the vicinity of the couch. Oh, they may leave that area to go just far enough to procure a beverage, usually beer, or a snack, but back they go until the bitter end. Women have a harder time focusing solely on one task for the length of time it takes to get through 9 innings, 2 halves, or 90 minutes. Come on, we all have our favorite sports, and I'm not saying that we aren't fans, even of Deadliest Catch. But do we really sit and just watch? I know I spend about a third of the time watching, even a college softball game, the rest is spent wiping surfaces, folding laundry, paying bills online, even playing Words with Friends or catching up on Facebook.

ADD? Easily distracted? Although these are true of myself at times, I believe that my inability to just do nothing comes from a feeling that I am unworthy. I have not earned "free" time, because there is so much more to "do". I have not (and never will have) completed my duties so am not deserving of the time-wasting activity of watching t.v. uninterrupted or just sitting enjoying the view over my backyard fence (fyi I'm not a voyeur, I live on a hillside with a view of mountains). Many women have at least a niggling of lack of self worth, of being undeserving. So my question is, why do we have to deserve something in order to enjoy it? A reward is more enjoyable when you have earned it, but who decides if you are worthy? And why on earth would I wait until I feel so miserable I can hardly move to just sit.

I've worked hard to get where I am. It's labor being a wife, a mother, a student, a friend, keeping a nice house and cars (often pleasurable labor, but still difficult) . It's a labor of love taking care of all the people who rely on me. I think I'll go open a beer and see what's on t.v.