You Must Pass Go

Time moves on. Another roll, count the spaces, buy, sell, move on. Empty Nest. At least that's what they call it and that's what I've got. That was never part of Monopoly; maybe The Game of Life mentioned it somewhere. My nest is supposedly empty now. Only it's not so empty. This weekend, the first empty weekend in our careers as parents, my husband decided to clean and organize the empty rooms. This pissed my off just a little. Already you want to purge the mess of our kids from your life and make it look like they never were??! But that's not really what he had in mind. I guess I may have a little bit of a hoarding thing going on. Considering I still have vhs tapes of Neverending Story and Winnie the Pooh. And we haven't had a vhs tape player in about 6 years. I guess it's time. Time to take the board games to my classroom. Time to put the cassette tapes in the trash and to get the family movies transferred from vhs and 8mm to DVD. But don't do it to me all at once. I can't, just can't, go through the drawers and closets just yet. The prom and formal dresses will remain hanging in the closet. The stuffed animals in the box under the stairs will stay there. I'm thinking that grandchildren will love the Ravensburger puzzles I've collected over the years and just can't part with (they are beautiful works of art). Will they love Monopoly and Clue the way my kids (their future parents - weird) did? Probably, so I'd better keep those. I'm sure I can find a corner in a closet my husband won't look in. And if I put the stuff in boxes marked "stereo" or "college text books" he won't bother them. At least not for a while.

Sick, Ill, Not Feeling Well

So why does it take a sore throat and sinus infection to get me to actually sit still for more than ten minutes? If it weren't summer, I'd make myself get up and go to work, I'd get through the day, and then, maybe, I'd go to the doctor in the afternoon and get some medicine. And back to work I'd go the next day.

Is it a mom thing? A female thing? I know it's not a male thing... Men are well known for their ability to sit through inane television shows (how many ways can an animal die/procreate/capture it's prey) or sports games, remaining primarily in the vicinity of the couch. Oh, they may leave that area to go just far enough to procure a beverage, usually beer, or a snack, but back they go until the bitter end. Women have a harder time focusing solely on one task for the length of time it takes to get through 9 innings, 2 halves, or 90 minutes. Come on, we all have our favorite sports, and I'm not saying that we aren't fans, even of Deadliest Catch. But do we really sit and just watch? I know I spend about a third of the time watching, even a college softball game, the rest is spent wiping surfaces, folding laundry, paying bills online, even playing Words with Friends or catching up on Facebook.

ADD? Easily distracted? Although these are true of myself at times, I believe that my inability to just do nothing comes from a feeling that I am unworthy. I have not earned "free" time, because there is so much more to "do". I have not (and never will have) completed my duties so am not deserving of the time-wasting activity of watching t.v. uninterrupted or just sitting enjoying the view over my backyard fence (fyi I'm not a voyeur, I live on a hillside with a view of mountains). Many women have at least a niggling of lack of self worth, of being undeserving. So my question is, why do we have to deserve something in order to enjoy it? A reward is more enjoyable when you have earned it, but who decides if you are worthy? And why on earth would I wait until I feel so miserable I can hardly move to just sit.

I've worked hard to get where I am. It's labor being a wife, a mother, a student, a friend, keeping a nice house and cars (often pleasurable labor, but still difficult) . It's a labor of love taking care of all the people who rely on me. I think I'll go open a beer and see what's on t.v.